IWaV: Damien-Ramblings

Well now, good gracious!  I did not realize I was so popular!  Ha!  Truly, you all flatter me so!  Though, yes, I know my own stature and how I have spread my name in certain circles I have always known myself to be something of an, ah, 'background man', I suppose you might say!  I mean, after all, I am shocked to think that any would notice me in comparison to my friend Lord Alexander!  And yet, after hearing from him you have turned to me?  Are you so certain that is a good idea?  You let the knight start to ramble and now you're turning to set the Irishman's mouth free?!  Ha!  Well, do note that it was of your own choice and so if my tongue gets lose, it is only because you prompted it!

But, soberly, indeed, I am truly flattered!  Your interests and affections touch my very heart.  I fear I may not compare too well or amount to much in the shining light that is my dear friend the Dacian knight, but if you can accept this Irish gentleman for what he is then you have my deep gratitude.  But, I'm unsure of where it is you want me to start...?

I know of Alexander's ramblings and can only chuckle.  I know his views well.  And they are not far-fetched.  I appreciate them well, though I am not the...crusader he is.  My battles for justice are fought in a different manner.  He may battle with sword and honor while I fight with the weapon I have built up well for myself over these many long years.  Wealth.  I fight for what is right by own views with charitable donation and attaching the name 'McCartney' to it, praying that means something for how hard I have worked to make it so.  We both fight for the side of light, hope, and righteousness against the deepening dark, so to speak.  We just have our different weapons to wield.  I have always been more of a lover than a fighter, as the saying goes, and many whom know me might tell you there have been numerous times that I am too gentle for my own good.

So, my views are similar to the vampiric curse and its many depictions throughout history, but perhaps...tempered in comparison.  I do believe that vampires have great potential for evil.  We are diverse the same as mortal men are.  And it is a great shock to know how many of us there are!  There is a good chance you may walk down a street in a crowded city and pass a good handful of us without ever knowing!  Those of us that are, ah, what is the coined term...'day walkers' I think it is?...at least.  Or, if at night, perhaps both varieties.  Regardless, there are many more than you may believe.  Women, men, younger, older, handsome or plain, predator and prey.  Alexander likes to mourn over the cruelty he has seen in his life and I cannot entirely blame him.  I have seen many great sorrows myself, but I try to always look towards a lighter shade in the spectrum.  At least try.

I have always believed in the notion of doing onto others as one would have done unto oneself.  It is coined as being the golden rule, and sadly, like gold, it is very precious and not very easy to come upon.  The world has grown a lot more self-focused.  And ever faster!  It was not enough to just have the speed of our own legs, but then we had to mount horses.  Then that one steed did not move fast enough that we had to invent harnesses and carriages able to host a fleet of the beasts and then to develop a way to harness the power of hundreds and create it into a machine to make us speed ever faster.  And even those first cars were not quick enough as we had to keep tweaking the idea until we create jet planes and rocket ships....We just keep trying to find ways to live quicker.  All the while we are fascinated with fantasy stories of these beings that live for eons and eons.  Some gods, dragons, elves, and undead...these immortals.  Even in my youth, as a lad, the tales of leprechauns and fey intrigued me.  When I became a young bachelor I collected tales of the sorts and would make sketches, idly, of the beasts and folk and oft read the stories to my beloved Jared, God rest his soul, many a-night by the fire in the den hearth.  I do not know what it is, and likely it is many things for many different people, that just...attract us to these 'other worlds'.  Why, when I first discovered that vampires were a real thing it was no light matter.  Truthfully I learned when one's fangs were buried deep in my neck and he was sucking the life from me!  Yet, I was, in some small part, even then fascinated.  To find that such a being really did exist.  And I came to learn, upon really coming to know that individual, that stories can only tell so much.  They are depictions created by various different authors.  You can't believe everything that you hear.  Or read.

For example, I learned that the myth that a vampire cannot be kept out of your home after you invite them in is a lie.  Go ahead and try to keep someone as skilled and dextrous as we can be out of your home if you don't want us and pray you succeed, but it is not a perfect given fact that we will magically get in.  And we are not allergic to garlic unless we were to begin with.  We are not all these romantic creatures exuding sexual flourish and erotic ecstasy with our 'kiss' and we're not all blood-thirsty monsters whom can't think for ourselves for the lust drives us insane.  We do feel a Hunger and it is a cruel act of evolution that we must feed on the lifeblood of others just to sustain ourselves.  That very fact, that basic need, is what makes us so innately prone to evil.  I think, moreso, than a mortal man.  And there is a danger, when we are first turned, that we will indeed lose our identity to insanity and become little more than a raving beast.  I have heard of such cases.  And from more, ahem, 'reliable' sources.  As in, those humans whom know well the truth of our existence and document it regularly...whom study us.  Creepy as that may be.

So, yes, I agree.  We vampires aren't something to be glorified.  But then, I think we should be viewed as any person upon this planet should be seen.  As an individual.  Forget the color of our skin, our eyes, our hair...forget our position in society or the heritage from which we were born from.  Those things are just basic molds and only parts of what define us.  The real person is the soul that powers the physical form.  And, no, we vampires are not soulless.  At least I truly would like to believe so.  I would like to think I still have a spirit and that one day it will go before God, should he see me, and be judged for whom I am and all that I have done with my life.  The good at the bad, let it be laid before Him and let me be judged for all of it fairly and not just because of -what- I am.  That is the way the world should function.  Though I know it is idealistic in view.  One can still dream.  And regardless, that is my way of looking at it.

And I do keep trust and hope in God to judge properly.  May I one day see, again, all those that I have lost that were near and dear to me.  Bless their souls.

Yes, we live a long life and we, as mortals, always seem fascinated with the idea of cheating death.  But, really, is it so grand if everyone we care for doesn't share that fate?  It isn't so glorious when you're the only one surviving your beloveds.  I, I was ready to die.  When my day came and I could honestly feel my life growing frail...I knew I would not be much longer for this world and I accepted that.  It pained my deeply to know I would be leaving some whom cared so very madly about me.  But I accepted it.  We all are born and live and die at some point.  That is a simple fact.  It is those that are taken from his world prematurely that are the tragedies.  Mine would have been a sad but natural death, I suppose.  I had come down with a severe case of pneumonia, and in my mortal day and age, such a thing was not so easily cured.  Even today it can be fatal.  But it was the intense love and desperation of my beloved Jesse, God rest him, that kept my heart from forever stilling.  He was the one who turned me.

I never asked for it and never wanted it.  He had never cared for the plague that had been forced upon him.  Jesse had regrets every time he had to feed.  I saw the sorrow and distaste in his eyes.  But, I suppose, after living all his life alone and neglected he was too scared to give up the one man whom had come to love him freely, passionately.  (Yes, I am bisexual, and I do prefer my own gender, but that is an entirely different topic).  He was scared to be without me and so when I slipped into unconsciousness, quickly fading, he did the only thing he knew he could to save me.  And though I was ready for whatever would await me in the afterlife...was prepared to face judgment and see my sweet Jared again, if I would be so lucky, I never held anything against Jesse.  I loved him and he loved me.  What he did was an act of love.  How could I really be mad when he tried to keep me at his side, to keep me alive, to save me?  I was confused and startled and fearful all at first.  But I came to accept things as they were.  Gina, God rest her, was pissed!  Oh, good lordy, was that woman infuriated!  But I was not.  I was honored for the act of devotion I was shown and took it as that.  And beside that, I trusted Jesse.  We knew we would face whatever trials this existence put us through together.  He would teach me what little he already knew and from there we would learn together.  Together.  That was all that mattered.

Until, like Jared before him, Jesse was viciously stolen from me.  One lover destroyed by mortal men, the other by another vampire.  Both cruel, evil, jealous, monstrous men.  And so I have witnessed evil from both immortal and mortal alike.  I have hated very, very few in my long years.  But I do not give special care to one because they are a vampire.  I am wary of others of this curse because of the abilities we have and the way that tips us towards doing more...unusual and unthinkable things.  But I have known much kindness and cruelness from both sides of the spectrum.  So if you want my advice, yes, take a vampire with a grain of salt and be as wary of them as you would any stranger.   

This world has come to be a dangerous place.  It always has been in one shape or form.  With the inventions of television and news broadcasts we can report more regularly upon the wicked things that happen-and the great accomplishments big or small-daily across the planet.  We have undergone quite a few different 'ages' and 'periods' with different rules and just how...relaxed or uptight we, as a society, would be.  And one thing remains true.  That if something is considered against the law or 'naughty', then it tempts people to partake of it.  Everyone seems to love a bit of drama and we all like to gasp and gossip in shady corners about one another.  That's never really changed, from what I see.  Some people like to say there's a wide spread of new trends.  More same-sex lovers and more that enjoy dressing outlandish or fantasizing over occult things.  But really I am unsure if it is some new budding uprise.  I was born in November of 1751, the fourteenth if you're curious, and though I did not know myself to be until I met Jared, I was bisexual from the start.  We are slowly making our way to becoming a bit more accepting of people and their various different ways to define themselves.  But there are always those that will see it as wrong.  Some hate because our skin tones differ, some hate because we like a certain musical genre or movie theme over another, some hate because a man may sleep with another man (or woman with a woman), and some may hate because you do or you do not embrace vampires as 'cool'.  I think, really, that until we can find a way to understand how to try to coexist and accept that we were created as a race bent for high degrees of individualism and unique definition then we will always have bickering squabbles.  And that goes for both vampires and humans.  

And that is no easy task.  I know it.  But would not it be wonderful if it could be obtained?  

My son, bless the lad, has written a song about this with his band, called "Everyone Has A Song".  And truly I find it quite beautiful.  It speaks of the notion that everyone has a particular song that they are connected to.  For some it is country, some it is heavy metal.  For some it is classical and others it might be rock, pop, alternative, jazz, folk, or otherwise.  A love song or a break up song.  There may be no words or it might tell a story through its lyrics.  But everyone has a song.  And we all are writing our own songs as we live our lives.  Both individually and as a whole, we do this every day.  Because we are all connected as well.  (Really you should give it a listen sometime, as it is rather moving and upbeat.  "Everyone Has A Song" by The Derelicts from his album Of Shamrock Hill, I am quite certain.  And even if I am likely biased, I am sure you will enjoy it.  I know my son and his fellow bandmates have topped charts before.)  After all, we are a very social race.  We need each other to function.  You need the butcher to cut your meat that you might eat and only after the farmer has properly raised the livestock to supply the food in the first place.  We vampires need to drink of blood to survive gathered from animal or fellow human.  We need the contractors and construction crews to build us the homes in which we live and we need the tailors and clothing suppliers to craft and distribute the outfits we clothe our bodies with that we are not naked.  This is where I come in, at least in part, being a fashion designer and owner of a clothing line.  But no one person that I have ever known can fully accomplish every last task they need in their lives.  I am two hundred plus years old now, and I can tell you I have yet to master the fine art of cooking.  I cannot build a house and if my computer has some error with it that cannot be fixed by simply turning it off and restarting it I still have to call technical support.  I do not know how to manufacture a car or how to mountain climb.  I'm no plumber and I'm certainly not a police officer.  I can pat my head and rub my belly at the same time, but only if I am concentrating on what I am doing.  I can sketch quite decently and keep myself quite content in my life and my position as a functioning part of society.  Many that know me would likely say I've taken the art of multi-tasking to a high extreme.  (Even now while writing this, I am checking order forms periodically here at the office and checking through my emails).  I am something of a crazed workaholic it seems.  But my point really is, that we are dependent on one another.  Together is how we are meant to be.  We need everyone as a whole.  And so everyone does indeed have a song apart from others and together as a whole.  

'Tis just a thought.  

It is never my place or right to judge outright on others.  But I can say that I am quite steadfast to the things that I believe in, even if others do not agree with me.  That is fine.  You are not required to.  I will not pressure you to share my thoughts so long as you do not try to pressure me to hold to your own.  I simply live my life as I see fit and try to be the best that I can be.  I think that, ultimately, is all that can ever be asked of anyone.  Outright evil should be punished and acts of kindness should be praised and in the end, I believe, that when we are all facing judgment for how we have lived then it will be up to higher powers to sort it all out.  We will not be able to hide for the things we have done and so we should try to strive to live as we choose to do so.  There is no one to blame for your personality and how you identify yourself deep within your core in your most secret of inner sanctums but yourself.  Society and peers will indeed pressure us and label us many things.  Upbringing and the interactions with others will always temper the mold, yes.  I have seen just how it will make a person believe they truly are one thing or another, for better or worse.  I will always try to advocate the idea, though, that we all have worth and we all mean something.  We are all special.  And we should all only ever be what we truly wish inside.  Then when we are called on our actions we may be proud to stand for them and explain them.  

I know I am many things.  Some of them are things that do not settle well with others.  But I am content in myself and so this is how I remain.  I am both a vampire and a gentleman.  I am a proud father and an Irishman.  I am more a lover than a fighter, but I try to fight my battles in my own fashion.  And in the end, I do the best that I can.  Hopefully, that fact will be the one that you would judge me on if you must by any.  Hopefully that would be how I would be remembered when my day finally comes to pass from this world.  That Damien McCartney tried his best and lived true to himself.  


~Damien T. McCartney


ps.  I know there were many things that many different people seemed to wish to hear me speak about.  And I do not doubt I have at least forgot some of them.  I pray for your forgiveness and that if there is something specific you are still wanting my opinion on, do not be afraid to ask.  I will happily give you my thoughts if you want them.  I fear you may just have to have patience with me as I can get side-tracked and rather busy at times.  I am sorry for anything I forgot to address.  Perhaps there will be other times to offer my thoughts on such subjects.  Until then, do take care and again I thank you for your interest.  Best of wishes.  Damien.